PENGUIN POP FACILITY EXPLOSION! RUSSIAN HEADQUARTERS DESTROYED!

WOW! It seems like EVERYTHING I have an obsession over gets TAINTED in someway! Well as we all know I had DREAMS of going to the PENGUIN POP facility in RUSSIA! Well those dreams are GONE! Just like the facility! Some IDIOT saw fit to blow it up! And now it's worldwide news! Who on earth would want to destroy the one place responsible for discovering what HEAVEN should taste like and placed it in bottles and cans for us ALL TO ENJOY! I hope they catch the punk who did this and RIP HIS TEETH OUT!

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New email from Big Brother about SCHOLDERMAKER!

WHOA! THIS IS A BOMBSHELL! I will be researching this...

CLOWN CAR COMBO!

BOOOOOOY does my stomach hurt! Why, you ask? Because of a stupid bet I made with my brother at CLOWN BURGER! The bet was that I could finish off an entire CLOWN CAR COMBO! For those of you living under a rock, that consists of a DELUXE CLOWN BURGER, LARGE CLOWN FRIES, SPICY CIRCUS NUGGETS, A CLOWN DOG, and large drink from your choice of PENGUIN POP products(I chose the GORILLA GRAPE this day!). So of course he had to take a pic to mark the occassion! I won, of course...but my belly is paying the price for my victory!

THE GOVERNMENT FIGHTS BACK! NO VIDEO UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!

THE GOVERNMENT HAS PUT FORTH A DIVISION THAT MONITORS THE RECENT SITES HACKED BY THE K.R.O.N.O.S. GROUP. THIS WAS THEIR DISCLAIMER AS SEEN ON THE NEWS AND THE SITES, CLOWN BURGER AND PENGUIN POP!

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