PENGUIN POP FACILITY EXPLOSION! RUSSIAN HEADQUARTERS DESTROYED!

WOW! It seems like EVERYTHING I have an obsession over gets TAINTED in someway! Well as we all know I had DREAMS of going to the PENGUIN POP facility in RUSSIA! Well those dreams are GONE! Just like the facility! Some IDIOT saw fit to blow it up! And now it's worldwide news! Who on earth would want to destroy the one place responsible for discovering what HEAVEN should taste like and placed it in bottles and cans for us ALL TO ENJOY! I hope they catch the punk who did this and RIP HIS TEETH OUT!

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CLOWN CAR COMBO!

BOOOOOOY does my stomach hurt! Why, you ask? Because of a stupid bet I made with my brother at CLOWN BURGER! The bet was that I could finish off an entire CLOWN CAR COMBO! For those of you living under a rock, that consists of a DELUXE CLOWN BURGER, LARGE CLOWN FRIES, SPICY CIRCUS NUGGETS, A CLOWN DOG, and large drink from your choice of PENGUIN POP products(I chose the GORILLA GRAPE this day!). So of course he had to take a pic to mark the occassion! I won, of course...but my belly is paying the price for my victory!

New email from Big Brother about SCHOLDERMAKER!

WHOA! THIS IS A BOMBSHELL! I will be researching this...

Who is JET BOY?

So I was with Monty, my photographer, working on our new article for the school newspaper, "TREES: NATURE'S BEAUTY OR PUBLIC NUISANCE?" , and I LOOK UP... and there he was! The mysterious JET BOY! He showed up on the scene about a year ago. And the news talks about everything EXCEPT for where he comes from! So who is JET BOY? Well I know one person who might know... THIS GUY! Seems that this "IRON BUM" had a run in with JET BOY in our very own city of Rocville! Somehow this armored "MENACE" made his way here all the way from NEW YORK. And what is this "thing" and how do we know that JET BOY didn't put it here? Is he protecting us? Or is he putting us all at risk! For all we know, he could be any kid in town! One of my classmates even! Or maybe he's not a "boy" at all! No one knows... but I plan on being the first to find out!

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